Kids 2-0
by Glimare
Summary: One Shot: The team comes back to the mountain to a group of five year olds. Unfortunately they're all Leaguers. It's funnier for some than others. And those who are usually scary, are somehow overly cute. Pre-misplaced.


**Disclaimer: **I have just as much ownership over this as I have over Europe. Nada.

This has been in the works or months! Seriously, waiting on my computer desktop since before I swapped compies. Ever since 'Kids' (no I don't think I'll continue it), I've wanted to do the same thing again, with the mentors. Had a lot of ideas with this, but really wasn't into it so I'll just give you a possible rundown at the end. ENJOY!

* * *

**Kids 2.0**

"You have got to be kidding me."

The team was barely off their latest mission and back in the cave in Mount Justice. The euphoria of finishing their mission correctly for once disappeared when they saw half the Justice League waiting for them.

Unfortunately they were all five years old.

Nearly everyone gaped in shock at seeing them, their jaws dropping near the floor. Nearly everyone. Robin had to quickly cover his mouth with both hands to stop himself from laughing too loud at the sight of a five year old in all of Batman's heavy gear glaring up at them.

"It's not funny," came his childlike growl, only making the teen shake head to toe with laughter.

Beside the shrunken dark knight, Superman wailed loudly in his oversized costume. The tears streaming down his face made everyone around them nervous. There was a constantly moving red ball of cloth to one side, one Kid Flash suspected to find his uncle deep within trying to get out. Green Arrow was trying to tug Black Canary and Wonder Woman out from behind a computer display, but both girls refused to come out from hiding in their current conditions. Aquaman was trying to go somewhere but kept tripping in his large boots and sagging pants. Only Martian Manhunter seemed completely fine in his younger form, his clothes being organic and shrinking to fit him perfectly.

"Are you kidding?" Robin managed to squeak out between snickers. "This is hysterical!"

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Batman shouted again, his fists barely keeping his gloves on.

"Hold that thought." Quickly the boy wonder's hands went to his belt and dragged out a cellphone. Before anyone could react, he took snapshots of every kidified leaguer he could see, grinning from ear to ear.

"ROBIN!" the mini-detective hollered, trying to run up to him and stop his protégé. Since his armor and gear weighed nearly a hundred pounds, the five year old tripped and landed hard on the ground. Instantly Robin was at his side helping him back to his feet, still grinning. Batman reluctantly accepted his help, then glared at Robin again, only looking more and more adorable. "You're grounded."

"I know," the teen said with a grin, then took another picture. Batman scowled and made a dive for the phone, which was easily dodged.

"Gimme that camera!"

"No way!" Quickly he was on his feet, texting and sending the pictures off to very particular people as fast as his fingers could type. Below him, Batman jumped up and down, reaching for the offending device. Robin placed a hand on top of his head, pushing him gently back on solid ground. "Nuh uh little guy. I'm calling for help."

"YOU ARE NOT CALLING HIM!" The little knight actually sounded desperate, his face becoming red with all the shouting.

Robin kept his hand on his mentor's head, finishing his text with the other. "Well I can't drive the car. And I haven't gotten to him yet!"

"Can you two just stop your family comedy already and help us out here?!" Artemis' shouting stopped both of them in mid movement, but not before the boy wonder managed to send another text somewhere. She was trying to figure out who to help, Dinah or Ollie? "Seriously! I cannot see how anyone can fear either of you two right now!"

"He started it."

"ROBIN!"

"ENOUGH! BOTH OF YOU!" Kaldur shouting took them all back for a spin. He was trying to help his king readjust his clothing but the constant shouting and crying was making everything difficult. Kid Flash was caught between laughing and helping his uncle out while M'gann left the room to gather smaller clothes for the two girls hiding away from view. Conner was slowly approaching Superman, still wailing in the floor. "STOP ACTING LIKE CHILDREN!"

"Uh, Kal?" Robin pointed out, putting his phone away. "If you haven't noticed, you're the oldest person in the room here. I don't see Red Tornado anywhere."

"He's getting the artifact that made us like this!" Batman stated flatly, folding his arms while glaring at his protégé. "Since he's an android, he can't be deaged like we were. Once he has it, he's taking it to one of my contacts who knows about ancient artifacts to find out how to reverse this. That's why we're here. We're waiting for him to return and the zetatubes won't recognize us. Barely managed to fly us here in a Javelin."

"That makes sense." KF nodded in agreement, now carrying his uncle on his hip. The suit was nigh impossible to keep on straight so the only way to ensure he didn't fall every fifth step he had to be carried. He looked over to the crying and wailing baby of steel, cringing at the noise. "Anyone know how to turn him off?"

"Hey…" Conner knelt down in front of his genetic donor, trying to be kind and friendly. Hard when the kid kept crying and partly ignored him as an adult. "What's wrong buddy?"

"Probably something stupid," Batman mumbled, getting a light karate chop on the head from his protégé. Considering he gave the teen the same treatment when he said something wrong, he let it go.

And it was a good thing he did. "I—I WANT MY MAMA! MY PAPA! I WANNA GO HOME!"

"Ah." Most people were in shock from his exclamations, some with confusion others with understanding. The Bat froze for half a minute before shouting back, trembling a little himself. "SH—SHUT UP! DON'T TALK ABOUT… about…"

Robin swiftly went to Superman's side, scooping him up and holding him in a tight hug to sooth his cries. "Shh…. There there. We'll get you back home soon, don't worry about it. It's alright. It's alright."

Slowly he rocked and rubbed the back of the all-powerful alien, surprising those watching him. Gradually the kid was quieting, his arms wrapped around the teen's neck in search for comfort. Robin must have had some kind of power because no one had seen such an upset kid get close to calming down that fast. And to not be crushed in the kryptonian's grip... wow.

"Robin…" Somehow, while no one was looking, Batman managed to slink up to him, and started tugging on his pants' leg. He was pouting, very cutely, as he looked up to him, almost as if asking why he wasn't being held instead.

The teen sweated at the unsaid question, not having a good answer. "Ahhhh….."

_Recognized Red Arrow – B06_

"WHERE IS HE?!" The teams jerked their heads around at the young man's excited shouts. Roy looked around the room, a sinister grin growing on his face. One look at it told his friends what was going on.

KF glared mildly at his best friend biting back a chuckle, still calming Superkid down. "You sent him a picture of GA didn't you?"

"Yep."

"AH CRAP!" Instantly, Green Arrow ran out of the room, wearing only his mask and shirt. Unfortunately by running and shouting like that, his location was exposed and Roy took off running after him, grinning from ear to ear.

"HELLO OLLIE! IT'S PAYBACK TIME!" And like that, two archers started their own method of family comedy.

"Uh Robin?" Conner came up to the boy wonder, his arms outstretched and glancing once at Batman below them (the kid's lip was starting to tremble). "Maybe I should…"

"Mind if Conner holds on to you for a minute?" Robin locked eyes with the kid of steel.

"NO!" Superman objected immediately, clinging even more to him.

"It'll just be for a minute!" the teen insisted. "I need to make Batman lighter so I can carry both of you."

"Why do you have to hold him too?!" "I can take care of him." Batman and Conner's voices overlapped as they objected to Robin's words. Their reactions made those still listening to them smirk. Kaldur was busy figuring out what to do with his king and the girls were getting changed by M'gann and Artemis now. Manhunter was just floating around the room without a care and the Flashes were watching with interest. This was turning into a really fun show.

Robin gave Conner an apologetic look. "No offence to you Superboy, but I know Superman's secret identity. And judging by how he's acting, we really need him to see his Ma and Pa. It's better if he sticks with me until this gets sorted out. Sorry."

The clone pouted while a frustrated growl came from the Bat below him. The boy wonder gave a heavy sigh before looking back to the one around his neck. "Superman, seriously, I need you to let go for a minute. Please?" He started to make his lip tremble, pouting and pleading slightly at the same time. The kid was starting to look guilty as Robin continued to explain. "If I can't hold both of you I'll never forgive myself. And I'll be so sad I don't think I'll be able to eat anything. Then I'll starve to death!"

The super five year old gaped at him in surprise while others around them rolled their eyes or smothered snickers. Conner even gaped at his friend, silently asking what on earth he was doing. There was no way on earth he was that—

"Okay…" As the clone's jaw dropped and many others bit back chuckles, little Superman released his hold on Robin and allowed himself to be passed on to the other kryptionian. The boy wonder faked pure elation at the guy for letting him go.

"Thank you so much! Conner's a good person and I know you'll love him too. Just give him a chance." His arms free, the boy wonder knelt down to his mentor. "Okay, let's see what we can get rid of."

"The mask stays." Batman folded his arms stubbornly, as if it were the most important thing to bring up.

"Duh. But the cape's the first to go." Quickly he stripped his mentor down to his shirt, mask and shorts, using some rope as a makeshift belt to keep it all on. Lastly they put Batman's belt around his torso diagonally so the baby bat wouldn't complain anymore. "Alright. I think this'll work out better."

"What about the two of us?" Kid Flash lifted his uncle up a smidge to remind them of other wardrobe malfunctions.

Robin gently tossed them a batarang. "He's got others. He can lose a set of long johns."

"Hey!" Suppressed snickers filled their little circle when Flash objected. "How many times do I have to tell you! They're not long johns!"

"Right." Batboy's sarcasm only started another series of giggles.

"SAVE ME!" They heard off in the distance. Impish grins grew at Green Arrow's voice and then Roy's laughter after it. This may be fun yet.

* * *

"Are you absolutely certain?" A five year old Bruce Wayne glared forward at the kitchen table, his phone pressed to his ear. Alfred was nearly done fixing dinner nearby, trying not to laugh or smile too fondly at his employer who looked like he was just imitating his father. At that age, he used to run around with a fake phone and medical kit like his father would. He just didn't look this serious back then.

"I am." Jason Blood's voice had a hint of exhaustion instead of amusement. Zatara would have laughed at the sight, but this man had a great deal more experience and understanding in these matters. Plus a good deal more discretion as he wasn't a part of the League. "The spells effect will wear off in a matter of days. The half-moon is shortly upon us and it only lasts until then. You should have known better than to rifle through Faust's wears Batman."

"It wasn't me." Once they were adults again, Oliver was toast. That was if he ever survived through a weekend with Roy as his guardian. He heard plans of 'playing dress up' with his former mentor, among other things. Though being a child again was humiliating, there were some rewards with Robin sending images of them to certain parties. "So no incantations, no side effects, just need to lay low until it wears off?"

"Yes, that's all. I'll take a look through the remaining items there with Red Tornado and remove any other possible threats."

"Take whatever you want from there." Bruce jerked his eyes around when Dick finally arrived, rotating his shoulders as he made his way to the table. The teen had been gone for a while and he was starting to worry. "They're better off in your hands than his."

"Understood. Rest easy friend." And with that the near immortal ended the call. The five year old put his phone down, satisfied for the moment. He just had to wait until the half-moon, that was all. He could survive a few days as a child. He had before.

"So what's the verdict?" The currently older child grinned at his mentor, leaning a bit on the table. "Are you gonna live?"

He rolled his eyes. "The spell should wear off in a matter of days. Don't know why ancient sorcerers thought it would be a good idea to deage people like this. Inconvenient."

"Probably to turn enemy armies into kids so they could ransack castles easier." Dick shrugged. "Imagine five year olds wearing all that armor and trying to defend a castle. Easy pickings. Even I couldn't fight when I was five. I was barely allowed on the trapeze alone back then."

"And Master Bruce couldn't even stay on his pony at that age." An amused Alfred placed two plates on the table, ready for consumption. The teenager immediately started laughing while Bruce turned red.

"Seriously?! You couldn't ride a horse?!" The acrobat had learned from the trickriders at the circus when he was four. He forgot he didn't have a normal childhood.

"I was five!" the other barked in his own defense.

"As I recall," the butler continued, "you had insisted you could ride Waynebow—"

"WAYNEBOW?!"

"I WAS FIVE!"

"—without any assistance," Alfred continued, ignoring the interruptions. "Your mother had tied a cord around your waist to the saddle, but you had slipped it off of you, then kicked Waynebow into a run. Master Bruce fell off rather quickly and landed in the mud. When his parents had reached him and saw he wasn't harmed, his father started laughing. Even took pictures. I believe I have a few from that day somewhere around here."

"Don't you dare!" Little Bruce's insistence just started even more roars of laughter from his teenage son. Red faced and both angry and embarrassed, the tyke was not about to let this go.

"I've got to see them!" Dick near howled.

"The fate of those pictures will be determined only by your behaviors and whether the two of you can finish your meals, bathe, and go to bed at a decent hour for once in your lives." The old man's coy knowing look told them he was serious, but enjoying this immensely. It all depended on who obeyed him more.

The five year old scowled, folding his arms stubbornly. Too cute. "I have work to do. I can't just—"

"You're a kid again," his partner reminded him. "And it's a school night. It's only going to be a few days. Clark was fine with going home to his parents and being with them until this blows over. Batman can take a break until he's big again too."

Bruce scowled more at Dick, starting to look like a pug. "If Batman's staying home, then so is Robin."

"After I tell the rest of the League and team how temporary this is." The teenager grinned. "I'm certain Iris wants to know when her husband will be back to normal at least, and Diana and Dinah would like to wear their clothes again soon."

"Tell them not to tell Oliver, and don't tell him." A barely concealed impish grin crossed the kid's face. "It's his fault we're in this mess to begin with."

* * *

Several hours later, Alfred was smiling fondly on his boys. They hadn't gone to bed at a decent hour, but instead ended up watching a marathon of _Grey Ghost_ episodes. And fell asleep around eleven on the couch they shared. Dick had earlier gotten Bruce to sit against his side with an arm wrapped around him, and the two seemed quite content now. Even smiling a little as they slept.

Quietly the butler laid a blanket on top of them, letting them get their rest. For the next few days he had two young charges in the house, roles nearly reversed. Bruce Wayne's duties at work were already taken care of and Richard Grayson was clearing his after school schedule so he could stay with him until this was settled. While one wanted to maximized the time like this as much as possible, the other wanted it over with. Or said he did. Alfred suspected Bruce wasn't being completely honest about his feelings.

He watched the two of them a moment longer, looking forward to the days ahead. This time around the five year old Bruce wouldn't be running him into the ground, he was sure of it. Not with his adult personality still intact. Though his emotional state had nearly matched his physical one, he was still a serious young man, not near as energetic as most five year olds.

But seeing the two of them now, asleep, they truly looked their ages. Alfred watched them for a moment more before taking out a camera. He certainly wasn't going to let his opportunity pass him by.

END

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A/N: heh heh heh... yeah, I'm leaving it there. Why? Because I'm a dork. Seriously though, if someone wants to expand it or the other 'Kids' I have, or 3.0 when it's up tomorrow, do. The ideas are great, but I have a lot on my plate here. Just give me a heads up or ask first, kay? ;]

as for other things I was planning for this, I was gonna have roy publically humiliating Ollie by dressing him as a girl, Conner being upset about not being allowed to take care of Superman and possibly winning him over, a water war or laser tag game in the mountain where Robin and Batman come in and Rob tells them off about guns around Bats. thats about all I had. Hence why I didn't expand it.

Waynebow was a reference to an episode of the 1960's Batman series. I always thought it was a dumb name a five year old would like. And in Tim Burten's batman back in the early nineties, Alfred was talking to Vicki about a riding lesson. I really need to see that movie again. Well, see ya tomorrow!


End file.
